Can I Really Find True Love After 40?

We all have baggage, hurts and fears from past relationships, but whether or not they interfere with finding the love of your life after 40 is up to you! The reality is that people in their 80’s and 90’s, including widowed or with multiple divorces have found love again, so why not you?

Our reality and results are largely determined by our beliefs and attitudes. Attitudes are internal beliefs that create your experience of yourself, others, and life; the way you see things and your internal state of “being” that are largely self-fulfilling; they WILL be true because you believe them and allow them to be true.

Attitudes are influenced by your personality and experiences, and can be positive and productive, or negative and unproductive. You can consciously choose the ones that serve you and let go of the ones that sabotage you.


Everyone has fears and self-limiting beliefs, but are often unaware of them. Check the ones below that fit for you. When reading each one, do a “gut check,” and if you experience the slightest physical or emotional reaction, it most likely applies to you.


_____ 1. I’m not good enough
_____ 2. I don’t deserve love
_____ 3. I don’t deserve to be happy
_____ 4. I’m not __________ (attractive, successful, young, rich, thin, etc) enough
_____ 5. I’m too __________ (old, unattractive, dysfunctional, late, unsuccessful, etc)


_____ 6. All the good ones are taken
_____ 7. I have to take what I can get, or be alone
_____ 8. My “Ideal Partner” doesn’t exist, or is already taken
_____ 9. There is no such thing as a “Soul Mate” or “True Love”
_____10. I must be “realistic” in my expectations


_____11. I will be rejected if I ask for what I want, or say “no”
_____12. I will be abandoned if I care too much
_____13. I will hurt the one I love
_____14. I will be smothered or controlled
_____15. I will lose myself
_____16. I will be hurt if I trust
_____17. If you really know me, you won’t like or love me


Below is a list of attitudes that I believe are important for singles to adopt to find fulfillment in life and relationships.

  1. I will be happy by having goals and letting go of attachment to outcomes
  2. I strive to live and “be” in the present
  3. I love, accept, and trust myself
  4. I focus on connecting, not results; a partner is someone to love, not an object or goal
  5. I strive to be authentic; being fully honest with myself and others, aligning my words, values and actions
  6. I strive to live my life with intentionality; making choices conscious of my goals and consequences
  7. I strive to take the necessary risks, overcome my fears, and stretch my comfort level to reach my goals
  8. I assume abundance; all the opportunities and resources that I need will appear
  9. I take responsibility for my outcomes by taking initiative in my life and relationships
  10. What others judge about me is about them; I strive to let go of what others think and not take it personally

In what ways do you limit and sabotage yourself?

How can you adopt the beliefs and attitudes you need to be successful?

Letting go of self-limiting beliefs and adopting productive attitudes is very challenging to most singles. Dating and relationships can trigger these issues quite strongly during the Attraction stage, and really test your resolve.

The Attraction stage is a pivotal point in Conscious Dating. As you notice yourself being challenged by these barriers, I encourage you to get the support you need from your friends, family, therapist, coach, and/or coaching team. No-one is successful alone.

©2005 by David Steele /

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