Finding Love Starts with Loving Yourself
Nothing screams “I’m all alone” like the holidays and Valentine’s Day however, being alone during these annual occasions doesn’t have to feel lonely. As human beings, we all long for love and connection. Our culture has made these particular days of the year to mean love & connection with our family and friends and/or a significant other and, for those of us who don’t have family around (or a significant other in our lives), we feel left out, and alone, unloved and unconnected.
Being alone doesn’t have to feel lonely. It is possible to be okay with being on your own while others are gathering. How is this possible? It all starts with your relationship with yourself.
While you think it might be easier to look outside of yourself to find love, it all starts with you loving yourself the way you are. After all, if you don’t love yourself, it is awfully audacious to expect someone else to love you just the way you are. I mean, would you marry you? If you would, that’s fantastic! For the rest of you out there, if you don’t love yourself just the way you are, perhaps it’s time to change some of the things you don’t like about yourself? Perhaps it is time to become the confident single (and potentially coupled) you’ve always wanted to be!
Believe it or not, finding love (the healthy kind) starts with loving yourself. If you need help doing this, it is important to find a safe place to help you to discover what you DO love about yourself and what you want to change while also receiving the guidance and support you need to make some of those changes in your life. After all, you have about 40 +/- years of programming in your subconscious that you are attempting to re-program. This typically doesn’t happen overnight. This happens over months or years with repetitive, conscious conviction and commitment to the new person you are becoming. While making changes to your life can be done on your own, it often takes many, many years because you are living your normal life and incorporating small, infrequent changes as you go along. However, working with someone who has not only ‘been there and done that’, but can guide, support, and keep you focused on your goals in loving you and your life makes you achieve those goals so much faster than you ever could on your own.
Once you are at a place where you are confident in yourself, love who you are, and love the life you’ve created for yourself, you will begin to attract similar people into your life, and you will be ready to receive those potentially healthy relationships in your life however, there is likely some Lovework to be done.
While you’re working on becoming this confident, loving person, it is also important to gain some knowledge and skills around navigating potential love relationships. It all starts with knowing what you want. Do you know your Requirements, Needs, and Wants in a relationship? Do you know the difference between them? Do you know how to quickly sort through and weed out the people who don’t fit them so that you are not going on some lengthy detour with a person you probably shouldn’t have been with in the first place?
Soon, the holidays will be gone however, Valentine’s Day is coming. With the new year approaching, maybe it is time to make some changes that will significantly improve your love life so that you aren’t alone this Valentine’s Day or, if you are, you will be just fine with it!
Copyright © 2016 by Laura Menze and The Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.